NewsFlash

* Rita Dove, Gerald Stern, Kay Ryan Elected to Academy of American Poets Board of Chancellors. Mainstream Poets to Adjust Sucking-Up Accordingly.

* Ethan Fugate reports Jimmy in Extremis looks like crap on Internet Explorer (Internet Explorer?). Will move at 2 Am to unicornsandbunnies.blogspot.com. Thank you.

Talking Points

* In all my rantings on the subject I have thusfar failed to mention that Natasha Trethewey is one of the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

* I'm not sure how poets used to respond to the publication of books that trumpeted 90% plodding bores as the next "genius salvation." But it seems clear that somebody either overestimated the audience for such an anthology or underestimated the backlash. I, in fact, do wish for this book Legitimate Dangers to be taught in schools. The boring Phillip Levine poems in my crappy anthology made me look out the window to discover, yes, John Wieners literally lived a block away from my university. This book teases with poems by McSweeney, Jarnot, Spahr, Kocott that there is something else out there that won't be ignored. Students are smart: they smell bullshit as good as everyone. And I bet they are just as smart if not smarter than their teachers. "We do not fear failure...we fear mediocrity." —. Arnold Van Den Berg. But mediocrity does not scare me in the least.

* I'm beginning to think this is a collection of the kids who didn't get enough from Jorie. It's not filled with her favorite students. And there's no sign of her anywhere, no intro. The errata list in the back of "further recommended reading" would actually have made a more interesting anthology than the one they present. I'm not huge on Mathys, Genoways, Foust, Nutter, etc. But they seem to be up to something much more interesting than some of the Dangers. I believe the anthology is stacked with people Cate and Michael are less threatened by. Hence the canyon-sized gaps in their "off the top of their head aesthetics." Which seem to be a more conscious effort to elevate themselves while marginalizing much-better known practioners. Good luck with that.

* Because of the sudden spike of visits from Lincoln, Nebraska, I thought I might talk about this interesting tidbit from the Texas Observer 2001:

"Once, I took a group of my poetry students on a field trip to the Iowa City Museum of Art. I remember loitering in front of a feminist painting called "The Creation of Eve", when one of the weaker writers in the class looked up at the picture and said very quietly to herself, walking past me, "How did the artist know where to start it?" The ramifications of her question--aesthetic, theological, and practical--amazed me. She had just responded to the very notion of creation with ingenious originality, seeking to reconcile herself, however accidentally and momentarily, with the very fact that something came from nothing, with the forces governing both art and the human condition as a whole."

I don't know why a teacher would snear at a student like this. Maybe he needed to feel better about himself and his own abilities to perceive the vast notions of the universe. But I guess that's how Michael Dumanis *rolls*. Do you like think like anybody travels to like Nebraska to like study with him? Survey Says: XXX. Now that he's finally gotten his name on the front of a book maybe he'll relax, but I doubt it. It's clear to everyone that he is gum on Cate Marvin's shoe and just along for the ride. Enjoy the view!

Legitimate Dangers: The Cartoon

Legitimate Dangers: The Cartoon

Legitimate Dangers: The Cartoon

Legitimate Dangers: The Cartoon

Legitimate Dangers: The Cartoon

Legitimate Dangers: The Cartoon

Legitimate Dangers: The Cartoon

Edmund Berrigan's "Human Shredder"

Introducing

Legitimate Dangers: Talkback.

Found Poetry by David Lucas

Status Stitch Implements

Decking Stapler Applications
Furniture frames drawer Pallets
Do I roof decking?

Sheathing sieve do you tile?
Esgrima
Factions

He did he rise can of better he conducted of staples to hardwood
application
Aprieto he does he hold a review he?

Does he deliver rubber?
Taken shape convenience does he hold designed to late longer?
Longer, narrower nose of did she rise visibility and ease of angle
fastening block the Solid steel?
Does she fine directional he does he escape cap the Conformable journey me
does he fit with positive staples depths control?

Click here for best price

Just when you though things couldn't get worse

First Bird Flu Death Confirmed in Iraq - New York Times

Talking Points

* Jen Bervin & St. Francis (with birdies). The Crush List is updated.

* Did you know that Sarabande was calling Legitimate Disasters a "Definitive, broadly representative anthology of poets born after 1960?" It's gonna be awful embarrassing when this definitive, broadly representative anthology ends up at the Strand for $9.00 in a few months...Keep saying it to yourself, Sarabande: There is no Jennifer Moxley, there is no Jennifer Moxley, there is no Jennifer Moxley. And what about all the great poets that are like 32 and under? Are they gonna order it for their classes? Survey says: XXX! PS: If you are a contributor and you don't even get to sit at the cool kids table in this sentence: The poets include Rick Barot, Joshua Beckman, David Berman, Nick Flynn, Matthea Harvey, Terrance Hayes, Major Jackson, James Kimbrell, D.A. Powell, Spencer Reece, Matthew Rohrer, Rebecca Wolff, Kevin Young, Matthew Zapruder, Andrew Zawacki, and many others. In case you're counting, that's 2 women and 13 men. Like, if you are represented simply as "and many others"...well ho, ho, ho. Olena Kalytiak Davis is as cool as anyone in that sentence. Mark Bibbins is. But so is Hoa Nguyen, Heather Fuller, Peter Richards, Tanya Larkin, you know. But can you imagine being in the anthology and not being on that little marketing list--woo, chilly. The making of an anthology is a spiteful act in general. And the little prickers you have to stick people with along the way, well, the best revenge against any editor of an anthology is that they will be thought of only as an anthologizer. Donald Allen (most of the poets in *that* anthology were lame, too. But a solid 100 pages.) It's also funny that no dead poets are in the anthology, like everyone's still alive, hunh? No one died young? Why do I think there are probably a couple of people who have died that they just forgot about because they don't see them at AWP (are there any former Brown undergraduates other than Lisa Jarnot, the love of my life so far?) Hmm...remember: definitive. Broadly representative. Sawako Nakayusa should be in this rather than, I don't know, some white guy I've never heard of. Pick one of those guys. Also Kasey Mohammad: but I'd much rather read a Flarf anthology anyway. Those people know how to fucking party.

* People say to me: don't you know you're just helping them with sales, etc.? Well, cool! *Buy it*! Unfortunately you'll probably agree with me. You know how much I hate *that.* And please don't vote that my review is "helpful," what the fuck does that mean? If there was a button that said "did you find this review punkass and did it make you cry" click that.

* They should also delineate between "A Reader" and "A Contributor" in the reviews section. I wonder who else might dare to sign their own name. Like some reader is already gonna have a copy that was unavailable on amazon until a few days ago and will now take up to 11 days to arrive (11 days? In the talons of a falcon or something? Get your shit together, Sarabande.). I did see a single spined-out copy at St. Mark's but zero copies at Barnes & Noble Union Square (somehow they had 3 copies of Free Radicals faced out in the New Poetry Releases section, hunh). No new Soft Skull poetry books either...maybe somebody could, you know, bring some over there.

* Can you still think someone is crushworthy after you hear them ask another person "So, are you going to Austin (as in AWP)?" I'm leaning no. Anyone who doesn't have to be like dragged to that thing in chains, sorry, you're off the list.

* Even the Publisher's Weekly guy mentions Olena Kalytiak Davis twice in like a six sentence review. C'mon! We're not stupid. She's way better than pretty much anybody in it. Put her in your little mini-hype marketing line!

* Started smoking again! But I think I need some kind of fancy silver pack of American Spirits. Maybe they can make a Jimmy Flavor. Oh, Native American guy! You'd never hurt me! How old is Sherman Alexie, by the way? He didn't get in? And what about all those great poets of Filipino descent? India? Prageeta Sharma? Hello! Also Jacqueline Waters, but I'm totally in love with her. She's brilliant tho! Way more brilliant than the guy from Silver Jews!

* I was trying to think of anything Sarabande ever did I was crazy about...eh...I like Afaa Michael Weaver. Music Like Dirt by Frank Bidart. But, whoa, who's Simon Muench? I think I'm in love. Poets with glasses...dreamy sigh. The only guy I really think is sexier than me in the LD anth is C. Dale Young. He makes me want to be a better man and way more gay.

Your David Shapiro Moment

The Jim Side: "Uses for Unsold Copies of LEGITIMATE DANGERS"

Horatio the Unicorn

Rum, Sodomy & The Lash

I Dream of Fields of Bacon

My first amazon review

Forgive me, it was delicious.

What's Poetry Worth? [tm]: Jeff Clark's MUSIC AND SUICIDE

Welcome back: today let's discuss Jeff Clark's slickly-packaged Music and Suicide now available in paperback from FSG. The hardcover was released during National Poetry Month 2004. The paperback a year later. Our shopper, Slappy, found this unread paperback copy for $4.50.

At the asslord online book company it's still available in hardcover (with 33 new and used copies also available) for $4.72 and up. That's basically what it will cost you in online shipping. That's the hardcover. The paperback, realeased not quite a year ago, is available for $3.02 (although has a worse sales rank: hardcovers make better presents, it seems).

I remember like it was an episode of "Lost" how a certain blogger declared how this book was being used to discredit all books by young poets or somesuch. How's that working out? Although bullshit terms like "post-avant" don't actually represent any group of writers I know about, I don't know that Jeff Clark's little book represented anything new other than the FSG imprint on the spine (If there are poets out there that are saying, Why yes! I am post-avant! raise your hand. It is a term used by old people to talk about young people. Nothing smarter than that. The way some people still talk about "rap". i.e. I just don't like all that "rap". I'm more into Jim Croce.). It is a book that, like most books of poetry, finds a place on a few bookselves and gets forgotten.

Clark's not even in Legitimate Dangers, everyone's favorite lame-ass anthology. Did he have *too* many books? Was he *too* successful? Some people had the good sense to hang up on the editors when they called, maybe that was it. Clark's better known than 99% of the poets in that anthology, and still when poetry meets the real world the real world doesn't buy it.

Thanks for playing our game.

Jimmy in Extremis

What's Poetry Worth? [tm]: Bruce Smith's SONGS FOR TWO VOICES

Welcome to What's Poetry Worth? [tm] where we go shopping and let you know how much your soulful verse can be had for on the open market.

Today's contestant is Bruce Smith of Syracuse (not Buffalo) New York. Our secret shopper (Slappy) found 2 copies of his latest hardcover Songs for Two Voices out of the University of Chicago this past April (The Cruelest & National Poetry Month--ed.).

"'Isn't that I: the vexed, the contested life,' opens one of Bruce Smith's startling songs. These split lyrics propose a new, capacious kind of poetic form, in which voice vexes and contests voice — not in parallel lines, not in argument, but in nearly-touching separate arcs that create a new-century version of counterpoint, one half of a song opening and digging beneath and beside the other. Smith's paired monologues are 'willfull and fatal, enraged and tender.'"
— Mark Doty

On big evil corporate asslord website it lists for $22.50 MSP and is offered at 32% off the cover price. Also *47* new and used copies are available starting at $10.55. The copies Slappy found were unread. One listed at $8 and this one (click to enlarge) is listed at $6.50. Bruce's book is down $16.00 in 11 months. The price was changed 3 times. According to our calculations after 4 more months on the shelf it will burst into worthless confetti. Sorry, buddy. That's vexing.

Tune in next time for What is Poetry Worth? [tm]

John Godfrey at BPC

Bob at BPC

Us at BPC

Alex at BPC

John Yau at BPC

And Thus Begins the Coco Age

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Shouldn't it say KOBE, I'M WIDE OPEN! on the front?

Get Your (NEXT) Unwinnable War On!

57% Americans support military action in Iran

Talking Points

* Spend the weekend at the Club. John Yau / Frank Lima / John Godfrey tonight for Free at 7 PM. Saturday afternoon Heather Fuller and Carla Harryman at 4 PM. And Sunday night Jen Bervin, Cori Copp and friends at 6 PM. I might be in love with Jen Bervin. I haven't decided yet. Consult http://www.bowerypoetry.com/ for particulars. This is all in advance of Edmund Berrigan's Monday Night Talk at the Project. Poetry is a marathon, people. Drink plenty of liquids.

* I ordered that classic, indispensable anthology from 1980-something that Cate Marvin and what's-his-name keep going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about from Amazon. Cost me like $1.50 + $4.00 to ship (ha!). Stay tuned.

* I probably won't keep this url for long either. No one's asking you to link: they find me, they keep finding me. I want to discourage fans and readers, that's just my thing.

* The Boston Celtics officially have no plan and I'm OK with that.

* The Boston Red Sox have no plan. OK.

* Yuck: Dentyne Ice "Avalanche Mint." Tastes like Comet cleanser and whizz.

12 Shopping Days Left

Feel free to show your devotion this year. I'm a medium.

Actually, wait, "quietly judging you?" I could fix that with a sharpie, probably.

O

* James did show up. Sit there and take it. But why didn't he just apologize to Oprah. Even like a "Hey, I'm really sorry about all of this?" Wouldn't that have done wonders? He drank from the water like 17 times at least. He's not a bad guy. Really. Just got caught up in it all. He started to believe his own bullshit. He smoked a bunch of crack. There is no Lilly. Get over it. It's a book. He's not the president: when he lies you go to funerals. James' iffy memoir isn't the end of all Truth in the universe (wasn't that when the New York Times guy lied?)

* Nan Talese was off-message and probably off-meds. What the hell did the Carter Family have to do with anything?

* Couldn't they find somebody who was like "C'mon, it was a good story. Who gives a shit? You carried it around for 6 months and couldn't stop talking about it. Sounds like a pretty good book. Cost you like $12. Move on, Oprah."

* "Truthiness" has now been retired. It's the new "I'm Rick James, Bitch."

* How to Oprah-proof your memoir? Because creative non-fiction is looking a lot like Mohammad Ali in the Superdome. Waivers to sign and hand to booksellers. Forewards, afterwards and explanations in the middle. Lots of asterisks. It's a good thing Hunter's dead.

* The White Guy making Halle Berry jokes sleeps with the fishes.

* Someone please find something Maureen Dowd has ever made up and jam it into her weird-ass hairdo.

* And somewhere Jonathan Franzen popped a Bud Light and felt even less relevant.

* I've decided to write a poem called "I Want to Fuck Oprah."

Your David Shapiro Moment

I Dream of Bruce Andrews

Horatio the Unicorn

Rum, Sodomy & The Lash

A Million Little Pieces: The Cartoon

Nosama?

Is someone faking Osama bin Laden recordings and leaking them to the press? I'd love to believe that the CIA was doing this. They aren't that smart. They work for someone who's even less smart and who serves a country full of Retahds.

Because they are so cool on their own, you know

Bono Band Mates Worry About 'Uncool' Pols - New York Times

Call it the Oprah Effect

Now we'll finally know who's been lying to us all along. In six months you'll have to sign a waiver and a non-disclosure agreement before you're allowed to check out.

St. Martin's Takes No Chances, Tacks Disclaimer Onto Latest Augusten Burroughs Memoir

New and Improved Photo! With Even More Fearsome Looking O.W.

I want to fuck Oprah so bad.

Talking Points

* Curt Schilling frequently drives me nuts. But you gotta love how he answers questions directly. Toughly.

* I can no longer make fun of James Frey in good conscience. The man went on Oprah today and took the shitstorm. I know that lying to the American people is the worst crime imaginable (lying to Oprah! Even worse!) (How does Bush get away with it?). But I can't do it anymore. I don't know how anyone can handle that much shit. Pray for James Frey. It's just a fucking book. Send it back to Random House and maybe they'll send you a copy of something else.

A Million Little Pieces: The Cartoon

I Dream of Catherine Meng

Rum, Sodomy & The Lash

Queen to Queen's Knight

Your David Shapiro Moment

Horatio the Unicorn

eBay: Legitimate Dangers 1ed SEALED ARC

The bidding started at $7.99! No one bid???

"Bid now!! Before it’s to late!!"

And as the seller says "A Harry Botter proof copy recently sold on Ebay for over $1000-"!!

Oh This Ought to be Good

Cate Marvin and Michael Whatever His Name Is are *blogging* this week! Woo! I'm popping popcorn!