Al-Jimzeera NewsBreak

* Page JIM: Which beautiful and talented poet did I spy at Target on Monday afternoon while I was stocking up on Diet Dr. Pepper and new blue jeans? Did she walk into Daffy's afterwards? My sources say she did.

* What the Hell is Up With the "Recently on My Blog" e-mails? Who created this template, Silliman? If I wanted to know what was on your blog recently, wouldn't I already know? I do technorati searches, that's all I'm interested in reading on your blog. Like how funny and sexy *I* am. If you have *those* kind of things, great, I'm there. I read blogs of people I find sexually attractive, people I want to make fun of at some later date, or people that ping me. And Jordan's blog. If you don't fit into any of those categories, sorry. The Poetic Blogging thing got really interesting for a few weeks in 2003, now it's dead as disco. If by liking what I do here you think I might be interested in what you're up to, I don't know. Are you a hot babe? Then I'm probably interested. Hot babes can add me to their lame spam lists, woo. Anybody else probably not. Sorry--that's the truth. I could simply block your e-mails, but why should I? Spamming everyone you know every time you take a crap, that probably isn't a good policy.

* Delgado's going to stand during the national anthem. So there's that. I've only been a Mets fan for a year or so, I'm glad to be aboard the bandwagon now. I will still watch every Sox game I can on this little computer. But there's being depressed when there's things to be depressed about and then just like senseless depression. The holidays give us ample things to be depressed about. But check this out: your team makes a good move in the offseason, that's a good thing. Teams don't play on weblogs, they play in front of advertisements. And Omar Minaya still wants to go after Manny claims Newsday. *Really*? Manny would put this team into the hyposphere. Turn him into the RF, the #3 hitter and what? 140 RBIs? Whoosh. They'd better win 100 games. Get Wagner first--Wagner might be the key to the NL East. And Whoop, there it is. Wagner's a Met. If Delgado is unhappy he can opt out at the end of this season and walk away from 2 more years of a backloaded contract. This isn't George Foster or Mo Vaughn, Delgado's contract isn't as killer as you think. If the Mets do suck next year, I'll be the first to turn on them--but right now I'm buying Mets bedsheets. I mean, a left-handed closer with a 100 mph fastbal? I smell October.

* Alerted to a good holiday present for the poet on your list. I've only heard of 2 poets in this beefcake calendar, but I'm all for a little male flavor. No links to sample photos yet. The boys may still be changing out of their skivies. I want a 2006 Men of Flarf List (tm) calendar.

January: Gary Sullivan doing some naked googling.
February: Mike Magee naked playing trumpet.
March: Drew Gardner naked while conducting orchestra.
April: Mitch Highfill naked but for the Yankees cap.
May: Tim Peterson burning his crutches naked.
June: Rod Smith standing in front of Washington Monument naked.
July: Ben Friedlander eating lobster naked.
August: Allen Bramhall combing his hair, not naked. Never naked. No.
September: Rodney Koeneke naked inside of a clam.
October: Chickee Chickson the naked Jack-o-Lantern.
November: Jordan Davis naked at Mets 2006 World Champion parade.
December: Kasey Mohammad in crotchless Santa suit.

Al-Jimzeera update: I've been alerted to a link. Do I smell a What the Hell is Up With Your Beefcake calendar photo? Yeah, I do. My favorite is March and I think it's October--

* If you are sending me your own author photo for What the Hell is Up With Your Author Photo you're probably not famous enough to be featured in What the Hell is Up With Your Author Photo?

* Steelers by a field goal (sorry Giants fans) tonight against undefeated Indianapolis in Monday Night Armageddon.

* HYPNOSIS FOR COMPLETE IDIOTS came in the mail today. There is no chapter, sadly, on hypnotizing people on the street into performing crazy sex acts. But maybe down the road I can do neat hypnosis tricks at parties or make you forget my hideous come-on lines with a snap of my fingers. Cute hypnofetishists are always free to backchannel.