Al-Jimzeera Talking Points

* I love "Prison Break." But I think the only one in the prison who doesn't know about the planned breakout is...I can't think of any main character. I wouldn't be suprised if next week the guards and the warden help with the digging.

* Is it just me or are The Kinks one of the most underrated bands of all time? We'll find that out together, one commercial and one Wes Anderson movie at a time. Although online steal-me site users seem to think that "Turning Japanese" and "My Sharona" and "That's What I Like about You" were also by them.

* I probably would have voted for Andruw Jones (51 HR 128 RBI .347 On Base) over Albert Pujols (41 HR 117 RBI .430 On Base). OK--homerruns can be a junk stat. Everyone digs the longball--but only 5 stolen bases and 24 doubles? C'mon Andruw! How about 2 Errors in Centerfield, tho. Over 160 games. Only 11 assists? They stopped running on him. He plays shallow and goes back on the ball sometimes with bad routes, sometimes looks lazy. But Pujols is only OK at 1b. Pujols will have plenty of years of MVP caliber in a Busch ballpark built to his power zones. And that ball he jacked off Lidle in the NLCS is still traveling upward. Jones carried a young Atlanta team to first place in the West. Pujols and the Cardinals were never challenged in the Central. Jones ought to win.

* The Sunday Dating Columnist from the New York Post spammed me on friendster to solicit me to join up: do you know this one? They introduce you one week, introduce three possible dates. Readers vote, you go on a date with one you choose. "Love Connection" right in front of all those color pages of celebrities at the end of the paper. I'm holding out that after my episode hits [May Sweeps] I'll get my own date-someone-new-every-week reality dating show. On the Cartoon Network. Adult Swim, baby! But I guess I'm still projecting "Hook Me Up."

* Drunk John Madden Quote of the Night: "If the dish runs away with the spoon, it's hard to keep running the ball."

* Sirius or XM? Howard or...who the hell do the XM people have? David Bowie?

* Pressure on Drew Bledsoe makes him throw interceptions? You don't say. Al-Jimzeera Update: What makes Donovan McNabb throw interceptions? His mother's nagging voice inside his besieged head. Make this man some homemade soup, Momma McNabb! His dick is falling off for Christsakes.

* Bush is at 37%. Bin Laden gets found before New Year's. You heard me right. Christmas on a waterboard with a car battery attached to his nipples. That's my call.

* They should put the morning after pill in the water supply and let would-be-mommies take the antidote (and drink Evian). If I was running the water supply.

* Now hear this: I don't want to be involved in *any* project that has like more than 2 bloggers in it. I think the echo chamber has got cacophonous at times--whole issues of magazines, whole reading series, too much blog on blog. It's not enough to just have a blog, it's what you do with it. Some are interesting and most are not. Someone was asking me to come read in his series this weekend. I told him I was taking a year off of readings. He said, "What are you going to do? *Blog*?" I told him I was probably gonna quit that too. And just take up professional masturbation. Remember: "The mimeo revolution has been replaced by weblogs, which might someday become a compelling way to critique. Right now they seem saturated with jism and self-splatter." (2/15/03)

* I still want to but haven't ever made love to the Theme to "Monday Night Football."