Al-Jimzeera NewsBreak

* Why do I tear up watching "Lost" when Locke tells Charlie he's proud of him? Because I've always wanted someone to say that to me? I was thinking about it the other day, the moment I get up to accept my Emmy Award. I think I could accept it, I think we all worked really hard on the show. Most of my award show fantasies involve me leaving the award center stage. Refusing it. But in this new fantasy I was talking about the people who believed in me, the people who stood by me and knew I could make it. I'm not sure anyone's believed in me. Why do I like hearing it come out of the mouth of Locke? Because coming from him it really means something. Nothing that appears on this blog is a call for e-mails of affirmation, by the way. It wouldn't be coming from the guy I always wanted to hear it from. Have I told him I'm proud of him? I don't think so.

* A nice e-mail I got from Josh Corey about the zero inside of foetry post and my response follows.

Hey Jim,

It's always disappointing to learn I haven't lived up to your standards of blogging conduct. Seriously, I can't help but admire the fierceness and bravado with which you take on all comers, letting the air out of every balloon in sight and always including your own. You've given plenty of evidence that you hate bullies, as do I, though our strategies for dealing with them differ. (My mom said to ignore 'em; your mother clearly gave you some different advice.) So why now are you carrying Foetry's water for them? You're disappointed that I'm not making myself a bigger target for their shit to stick to? My post wasn't an attack on Foetry but an
observation about the tendency they are an extreme example of, what I called Professionalism. I wasn't interested in giving them more attention than they've already received, so I compromised with the zero. Maybe that's lame, and maybe Foetry has metamorphosed in the year or so since I last visited their site into a place where legitimate grievances are aired, evidence is carefully weighed, and the accused are given ample opportunity to respond before their reputations are slandered. I kind of doubt it. The last time I visited Foetry, I saw a lynch mob: whatever the virtues or reasonable complaints of their individual members, collectively
the site acted like your classic sociopath, incapable of empathy for anyone other than itself, blaming others for its problems, and lashing out with rhetorical violence at the least provocation. It's only reasonable to be wary of someone, or something, like that. They can talk shit about me all they want, but I don't have to read it, or invite more of it.

That's all I gotta say for now except yeah, the old fake glasses looked cooler.

Josh


My mom didn't really teach me anything about bullies I can remember. I was an only child [Did I say only child? That's a good slip. Middle child]: left alone mostly to shoot basketballs for hours until it was too dark or hang around in her library reading books of poems and falling love with one of the pages. Her name I don't remember. I've had my time as a bully. Maybe I haven't talked about how horrible I felt in my relationship with my little brother. Constantly being provoked into a violence I didn't want to participate
in, that I didn't have the patience or wisdom to avoid or end. The cycle of violence and hostility doesn't end just because we don't pay attention to it. I remember being beat up on my paper route one day by a big kid, I don't remember what it was about, it felt random. I couldn't punch back, didn't want to and didn't know how and couldn't imagine my fist hitting another guy's face. Later I realized that most bullies don't actually want to get into it with you--they just want to stare toughly into your face for a while while you're staring toughly into theirs.

An essential part of what I consider the uses of blogging is honesty. And having a little courage. I see a lot of bloggy pats on the back, or in foetry's case cowardly anonymous attacks. I carry no water although I am an Aquarius and would joke that I was an Aquarius every time I had to change the water cooler at my last office job. We're all targets if we live publicly, even as anonymous as poets are. If you accept the rah rah aspects of your job as a poet and a blogger, accept the unpleasant ones that come with it. The frustrating times you might have to take a stand against a lynch mob. We're lucky they're only armed with the internet and they haven't come in the middle of the night for us, Joshua. Your name means something to me and my name means something to me. I don't intend to live forever as a bully. I don't jump kids on the bikes for the fun of it. I breath into the faces of those that seem to want it. And I show them they can't take anything away from me. I'd vote to go down swinging.

xxxjimmy

* Janet Holmes forwards me to her site to read this. I'm sure Mobyradio at some point is gonna devote equal time to a detractor or skeptic of foetry.com? Right? My relatioship to foetry.com is complicated. I did lots of cartoons about how they were cowardly dicks. They banned me a bunch of times. I e-mailed everyone Alan worked with at his library with links to naked pictures of me. You know, great stuff. Some laughs. Is it possible to now, in late 2005, to like both Janet Holmes and Alan Cordle? And, OK, you gain someone's respect in the ring. Fighters hug after long and brutal fights. I hugged Kent Johnson and shook his hand. It might just be the insane crush I have on Janet, OK, maybe. What I want from the world of poetry at large is the truth. There are some questions raised by foetry.com that deserve answers. And I won't be satisfied until I get them. Other questions, did two poets from the same state seperated in age by like 25 years conspire in a contest. Don't rush to answer that one. Are poets charming their way into the winner's circle? Do they end up with all the gold? While the poor bastards with no connections and no people skills get boned? My Trudi West experiment was in seeing how long it would take a beautiful girl poet to get hit on by our blogging community. See for yourself. If you think you know what I'm up to all the time, you're wrong. Because I don't either. And can someone please explain to me how someone can be slandered by lies? In this day and age? Confront the lies head on. The truth will set you free.

* The glasses do seem smaller, less curved on the bottoms of the lenses. I'll keep looking and may have 3 or 4 pairs by the time I'm done. They make me look gentle. Kind of Aaron Tieger chic.

* The Blue Jays want Burnett for 5 years/$50 million? More like they wanna raise the price. He looks like this year's version of Matt Clement/Carl Pavano. 12-12 in the National League? C'mon! What happens when A-Rod, Ortiz, Vlad & Co. start stepping to the plate. Hang shit in the A.L. and you're toast A.J..